The Truth About Interracial Marriage
You want to take her home to your parents, but you're afraid.
You love them. They raised you in church, gave you all the stuff you needed and pretty good advice, but. . . . they don't think like you do. They are from the old school, and the old school was segregated.
She is black. You're white. You love Jesus, she loves Jesus, and the two of you are growing closer. You may not be using the ‘L' word yet, but you're both seeking God's will – and you're seeking a way to break this to Mom and Dad.
It's nothing new. And it's nothing easy. Interracial dating and marriage has been an issue since Biblical times.
“it is a divisive issue in many circles,” says Ken Hutcherson, a black man who pastors the large, racially-mixed, Antioch Bible Church outside of Seattle , Wash. He and his white wife, Patricia, have four children.
A review of several surveys on the internet reveals that people of typical marrying age today are slowly changing their views toward interracial relationships. But they still must deal with their parents, who married in an era when interracial relationships were far less frequent and far less acceptable. Using data from the U.S. Census Bureau, the father of a 31-year-old single today saw approximately 3 ½ times less interracial marriage at approximately the same age.
“The issue is losing some of its power because of the total integration of schools, the workplace, etc., but it is still strong in some regions of the country,” Hutcherson said. “It is a hard issue for many parents, making it a harder issue for their children.”
Interracial marriage increased 7.8 times from 1960 to 1990. In 1960, .36 of marriages were interracial. In 1990 it was 2.86 before a decline through 1998 (to 2.43), the most recent year figures are available. In 1998, 24.4 percent of interracial marriages were black/white, with the rest a broad mix. That represents a doubling of the percentage of black/white interracial marriages since 1980 (12.7 percent).
“Many years ago, you could teach segregation in the South and it would stand largely unchallenged, but now blacks and whites are becoming friends and realizing that a lot of stereotypes are just that. We're getting more and more cross-cultural,” Hutcherson says.
But that doesn't help you. Your parents will raise objections, not to mention raising their voice. Some of your friends will raise an eyebrow, but most will raise your hand in theirs to show support. Times are changing, but it is a generational creep that hasn't moved fast enough to keep you from facing some tough issues. You're not even sure what all the issues are – families, kids, cultures . . . And what is ‘race' anyway? An American friend just married a guy from Korea , you recall, and no one objected.
“It's easy to come to the conclusion that the only marriage that is called ‘interracial' is a black person marrying a white person,” Hutcherson says. “The prejudices in our country come from the slavery issue, and blacks are more apt to be recognized as a negative aspect of history.”
The issue of interracial dating calls singles, parents and all of society to consideration of the bottom line – the bottom line of the Word of God, of why a man and woman marry, of a parents' role in their adult children's relationships, of an adult child's responsibility to parents with whom they may disagree.
The issue also challenges people to adjust their views to that represented in the Bible. Apparently, change is coming, but slowly. As early as 1991, a study indicated that 64 percent of people ages 18 to 29 approved of interracial marriage, compared to 27 percent of people ages 50 or older. Regionally, 81 percent of young adults in the West approved, but that declined to 65 in the South.
While young adults have benefited from the changing views due to de-segregation, they still have to face their parents.
“For the people involved in the relationship, at the very foundation has to be, ‘Do I love this person so much that whatever comes and goes, I'll remain devoted to them,' “ says Mike Singletary, father of seven children under age 15. Mike is black and his wife, Kim, is white. Mike is a regular conference speaker and author of ‘Daddy's Home at Last,' as well as the Hall of Fame former middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears. “If so, the approach we take is, ‘If God is for us, who can be against us.' “
The Bible says the church is the bride of Christ – well, that must be an interracial marriage! Unfortunately, much of the black-white relational issue still rests in the church. Martin Luther King once called 11 a.m. Sunday morning “the most segregated hour in America .”
Marcia Hollins has four children and has been in an interracial marriage for 31 years. She and her husband are elders in the church. She says, “The pressure that came against our marriage was mostly from people who (said they were) Christians.”
Marcia and Bobby Hollins chose to love people despite their snubs. It worked. “I can't think of any who ostracized us that we haven't won over,” Marcia says. “What we saw was that, in time, everyone eventually bowed to the name of Jesus. We've seen many changes in those people, but the Lord required us to walk in love with them.
“The bottom line is that the Word of God says that people will know you are a Christian by your love. ”
The Bible on Interracial Marriage: Pro or Con?
By Victor Lee
Some people claim the Bible speaks against interracial marriage. Does it? Mike Singletary, says, “If a person has a point of view, and their heart is not right, they can go to the Bible and make it say what they want. They can find what they are looking for.”
That's called ‘isogesis' – reading into the text (as opposed to exogesis, which is taking from the text). It isn't a long jump from isogesis to simply ‘making it up.' And that appears to be what people are doing when they argue from the Bible against interracial marriage.
Research for this package of stories indicates that the latter portion of 2 Corinthians 16:14, or some variation thereof, is the most-frequently used, supposedly Bible-based, argument against inter-racial marriage: “And what communion has light with darkness.”
The people who use this argument engage in a vacuous and twisted examination of Scripture. They apparently forgot to read the rest of the verse, not to mention the rest of the Bible. The entire verse puts it into context: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers,” Paul tells the Corinthians. Then he illustrates his command by saying, “For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
“Paul is simply prohibiting believers from intimate fellowship with unbelievers,” says Kevin Bywater, director of research and curriculum for Summit Ministries, which is dedicated to imparting a Christian worldview to high school students. “The context speaks nothing of skin color. This is the strongest, most pervasive argument of those who oppose inter-racial marriage, and I just don't see any basis whatsoever for this nonsense.”
Another argument used against inter-racial marriage is that the Israelites were told not to marry outside of their people. But that was because of religious beliefs, not race. “Often they will argue that marriage with foreigners -- implying people both of different culture and color -- was prohibited throughout the Old Testament,” Bywater says. “Actually, the prohibitions were not strictly against Jewish-Gentile marriages as racial mixture, but against believer-unbeliever marriages.”
Scripture analyzed in context will reveal, in fact, strong support for the mixing of races in every walk of life. After all, it was a Jew – Jesus – who made salvation available to the Gentiles. Now, that's interracial!
In 1 Peter 2:9, we read, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession . . .“(NASB) Here Peter is stating the identity of the people of God. The Greek word ‘genos' is translated ‘race' in many popular Bible translations. Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words says ‘genos' “does not mean a country, the word here signifies parentage.”
Rather than separating people groups, God brings them together through Jesus Christ, even declaring through this text and others (Galatians 3:26-29) that all who are in Christ are essentially of one ‘race.' It is inconsistent with the nature of Christ to value one man, or one race of man, over another.
Says Bywater, “There is no prohibition against interracial marriages in the Bible. God's plan of salvation includes drawing his people from every nation, tribe, people and language.”
When someone you know tries to hide prejudice behind the Bible, lovingly challenge him or her to read further, read in context, and proclaim the truth. As Singletary said, “People can say what they want, but I know that God will not be mocked.”
Thinking About an Interracial Relationship? Things to Consider
By Victor Lee
Every couple considering marriage has many issues to consider. An interracial couple has even more to think about. What kind of things do they need to consider?
“I think the issue of inter-racial marriage must be evaluated in its larger context of overall compatibility,” says Ramon Presson, a marriage counselor and former long-time minister to single adults, now serving with Edwards Road Baptist Church in Greenville, S.C. “As I'm evaluating relationship compatibility I tend to agree with Dr. Neil Clark Warren's assertion that similarities in a relationship are like deposits in a bank. Differences are withdrawals. You want to maximize similarities. The difference of race includes a significant difference in family backgrounds and probably social networks. Merging friendship circles can be a challenge for inter-racial couples. Couples with the healthiest and most satisfying marriages report having quality friendships with other healthy couples their age. Isolated couples may survive, but never thrive.”
Does that mean do what they say? Maybe. It depends on the situation. Ken Hutcherson says, “Are you under the authority of your folks? Do they pay the bills? Do you live in their household? If so, you have to obey. Biblically, it boils down to dealing with authority. If I see a couple whose parents oppose, and one of them is under authority, I tell them they must obey, then I deal with the parents on their issues.
“If you are on your own, you have to honor, but not necessarily obey, your parents. That means you have to listen and understand, but the final decision is between you and the Lord.”
- Think about Future Children
This is a big issue in some parts of the country, far less in others, depending on the culture's acceptance of mixed-race people. Will you be putting your children in undue duress because of the marriage? Hutcherson, Mike Singletary and Marcia Hollins say that is dependent more on how the parents raise the kids than any abuse the kids experience from other kids.
“The key is the leadership of the parents,” says Singletary, who has seven children 15-and-under. “Mom nurtures, and Dad creates the acceptance. If Dad is there – I mean really there – and accepts the child, and that child knows he is loved and accepted for who he is, hey, I don't care what else comes and goes.”
Says Hollins, who has two well-adjusted grown daughters, “If you put doubt and fear and racism into them, you'll get that. If you instill love and a Christ-like perspective, you'll get that. We believe our children got the best of both worlds.”
Hutcherson says beware of parents overly objecting to the marriage exclusively on the issue of children. “Most of the time when it comes from the parents, it's not legitimate,” he says. “It is said to cover their prejudices. I come back with, ‘Do you think that a kid who was the product of a black-and-white marriage will have it more difficult than a black child raised in the South with extreme prejudice? The black child made it; so will the cross-cultural child as long as he is loved in the home and in the church.”
- Consider the Extended Family
Says Presson, “You can say, ‘I'm marrying you, not your family!' but it's a package deal—you get the whole extended family, no extra charge. At the wedding, picture a game show host saying, ‘Johnny, tell our lucky couple what else they've won.'
“The interracial couple who has two sets of supportive family members has a much better chance of making it. The couple facing opposition from either or both sets of parents must accept that they are pedaling uphill. Any marriage needs all the advocates it can gather. Marriage is tough enough without family opponents creating resistance. I am not validating parents who would hold their children's happiness hostage by withholding support. I just want to paint a realistic picture. On the other hand, an inter-racial couple that possesses the strengths of relationship health and compatibility, backed by family support, have every reason to proceed with confidence.”
This story originally appeared in Christian Single magazine.
|
