How to Be a Family That Makes a Difference

As B.J. Bateman walked toward her neighbors' home, she wondered how they would respond to the Christmas gift her family had prepared for everyone on the street: a loaf of bread with a letter saying that the Bateman's prayed for them, and a card to return with prayer requests.

The Bateman's didn't know many of the neighbors. Such an action seemed risky. Would people think they were religious freaks, or warm, loving people?

She dropped off the first loaf and walked home. Before she got down the driveway with the next, the neighbor had filled out her prayer request card and was returning it to her.

“Now I know what to talk with that woman about,” B.J. says. “I've connected with her!”

And so has God.

The Batemans – Larry, B.J., Sarah, Lauren, William and Benjamin -- are on a mission to share Christ with their neighbors. “Our faith is not just a private relationship that we hold to ourselves,” says Larry Bateman. “We firmly believe that we are called to share Christ and be light and salt in the world.” The Bateman's don't proclaim their trust in Jesus Christ with bullhorns, billboards, or bumper stickers. They use kindness, koinania and caring – just like Jesus. They didn't latch on to this idea through a new program at church, either. In fact, the Batemans want you to know that the best thing they have done is get out of the church.

No, no, they haven't denounced Christ. They haven't stopped attending services, or stopped tithing. They have just changed their focus. They have externalized what the church so often internalizes. They have unincorporated what the church incorporates: ministry.

“We're constantly trying to show people that they've got to take Christ to their neighborhood or work place because people aren't going to church like they used to,” B.J. says.

It took a while for this realization to strike home.

“We had the life of growing up in the church and being involved in the church,” says B.J. “We were very comfortable doing everything within the church. Larry and I both taught Sunday School and youth. You name it, and we've taught it. But everything we did was very much within the four walls of the church.”

The Bateman's were so ‘churchy' that Larry felt called into ministry. “We thought about going to the mission field,” B.J. says. “Now, we feel like our neighborhood is our mission field.”

After 20 years in the business world, Larry joined the staff of of the North American Mission Board in Alpharetta , Ga. , three years ago. The family moved to Georgia from Greenville , S.C. Just 1 1/2 years ago, he moved from NAMB to the staff of Peachtree Corners Baptist Church in Norcross , Ga. “When we moved to Georgia , we decided that I would not work so I could help the children with the transition,” B.J. said. The changes led to some soul-searching.

“Larry was working. I turned 40. All four kids were in school,” she says. “My friends lived in Greenville . We could not find a church. All of a sudden the phone was not ringing I started studying Exodus on my own. We were struggling to find our niche, our place, here. I realized that in Exodus, when the light moved, the people moved. When it stopped, they stopped. God placed me here and stopped me to slow me down, to talk to me long enough to get me out of the fast-paced life. He was saying something in our life.”

What He was saying was that He wanted the Bateman's to make a difference in their upper-middle class golf and tennis community. God wanted the Batemans to take the Gospel to the neighbors instead of waiting for the neighbors to magically appear at church asking questions.

They were willing. “God has given us so many experiences and opportunities, just because we were willing to listen to what He wanted us to do,” B.J. says.

So exactly what do they do? Mostly relational ministry that ties into seasons or meets needs. “Every other month there is something new we're doing as outreach in the neighborhood,” B.J. says. Some examples:

Block Party

The Bateman's invited the 15 families on their street and several more from an adjoining street. Approximately 32 people came. Having such a party creates difficult questions: like whether to tell guests not to bring alcohol. “We wondered at first what we were going to accomplish by having this party,” B.J. said. “We agreed that all we would do was, before eating, pray for these streets, the homes and the families. We didn't know any of these people, but for many of them it was the first time anybody prayed fo them that way. We used that party to begin establishing relationships with neighbors.”

Easter Egg Hunt

All the children on the street were invited. ‘Resurrection Eggs' were used to tell the story of Easter. Each child had to find 12 eggs, but the eggs they gathered had to have a sticker that matched a sticker the child was issued, making it more of a challenge. The sticker titles helped tell the Easter story. “When you do something for the children,” B.J. says, “it's a win-win because the parents come and they hear the story, as well.”

Harvest Gathering

This is a Halloween substitute for the entire family. “I planted a pumpkin seed and told a story about how it grows and becomes a pumpkin, and how if we have Jesus in our heart we grow and grow in our faith,” B.J. says. She warns that anytime a Christian family is hosting an event in which the gospel will be shared, “make sure on the invitation you say what you are doing. We are always honest about what we are going to do; we don't catch anyone by surprise.”

Family Mission Trips

Whether it's a vacation to their favorite city – Charleston , S.C. – during which they take time to minister to the seamen or the market vendors, or a trip to a local co-op where the children help package toys for other children, the Batemans find a way to be on mission together. The Bateman's have been on mission trips to Juarez , Mexico and El Paso , Texas , both in partnership with Larry's sister and brother-in-law, Barbara and Bill Kennedy, who are full-time volunteer missionaries through the Missions Service Corp and First Baptist Church of El Paso.

“We'd all done missions trips separately,” B.J. says. “The kids with World Changers or the youth. The difference was in doing it together. Today, you have to function as a family unit. It's just a different mind-set. It's a matter of just deciding, ‘Wherever we're going, we're going to take time to minister.”

Larry says the most exciting thing about the mission trips is the kids' response. “When we started this a few years ago, we thought we'd do it every other year,” he says. “But it's our children who now expect us to do something every year. Our children insist we set aside certain days of our vacation to minister. It's settling into their minds that that is a part of our life and what we're about.”

After-Christmas Gift Exchange

B.J. invited the neighborhood ladies for a brunch followed by an exchange of gifts they had received but could not use or exchange. “Not a dud gift,” she said, “just something you couldn't use or had one of. I had each lady share a favorite memory from Christmas. The hostess just has to make sure hers has something to do with Jesus.”

Bible Studies

Larry and B.J. lead in-home bible studies. B.J.'s is on-going, with at least 60 ladies attending each Tuesday morning. The study is in its third year. They began with 12 and had 28 in the second year. Sarah and Lauren are indirectly involved – one of the girls' invited her bus driver, who now attends, and one invited a lady for whom she baby sits.

The Bateman's also reach out relationally through their involvement with their kids' activities – like Larry helping coach the boys' sports teams.

The Bateman's want you to know your family can reach your neighborhood with the gospel, too.

“We'd never done anything like this, but it wasn't hard,” B.J. says. “First of all, pray about it. And I'm telling you, if God gives you the nudge, He is going to provide the way. And if He gives the nudge and you don't do it, you are going to miss the blessing. We have received blessing after blessing.”

After responding to God's call, the Bateman's suggest having several discussions as a family about how to minister together. “You need to sit down as a family and say, ‘This is what we feel is important,' then discuss ways to live it. You need a mission statement. It's no different than sitting down to talk about where to go on family vacation, you're just taking the conversation to the next level. Focus on determining priorities.”

The children agree. The oldest, Sarah, says, “It's nice to see results. Instead of just giving money to a program, we actually get to be involved in ministry. And it's nice for the family to all be together, because we don't get that too often because of school and sports.”

Perhaps your family is where the Bateman's were a few years ago: ready to make the move into vibrant ministry as a family. Larry says it should be a natural part of growth as a Christian.

“I think as we grow as Christians it becomes a natural burden of our heart,” he says. “It's part of the maturing process. We had been to church, and studied and studied and taught and taught, but there was more. At the right time, we heard a message on becoming ‘on mission' as individual Christians, and we took that challenge personally. Anybody can do it. It takes discipline, but it's very rewarding.”

The biggest reward? “Leaving a legacy of faith,” Larry said. “Having our children be willing to respond to the needs of others, and eventually seeing their children follow their example of sharing Christ's love with others. That's the point.”

SIDEBAR

The average American family needs a secretary and chauffeur just to keep it on track. From church to school to clubs and sports, parents and children are scattered in pursuit of purpose and success. Many families are stretched, stressed and losing touch with each other, hardly able to get together for a meal, much less for any common purpose.

If your family, or one you know, is busting at the seams, perhaps a family health check-up is due. Perhaps a common purpose is needed. Becoming on mission for God's purposes is a worthy goal supported by Scripture (Deuteronomy 6:1-9, Joshua 24:14; Psalm 78:4, and others). If you are considering becoming a ministering family like the Bateman's, a book on the subject might be a great assist. ‘Family to Family – Families Making a Difference,' by Victor Lee and Jerry Pipes, offers insight on what is a healthy family, developing a family mission statement and leaving a legacy of faith. It also offers approximately 50 ideas for family missions projects.

‘Family to Family' suggests that the six marks of a healthy family are:

1 – One that spends quantity and quality time together.

2 – One in which each family member is committed to the other family members individually and as a whole.

3 – One in which the mom and dad are approximately equal in their involvement in the raising of children.

4 – One in which the significance of each individual and the family unit is found in Christ.

5 – One in which the baton of faith is successfully passed to the next generation.

6 – One that has healthy time together centered on God's purposes.

Pursuit of these standards, in the power of the Holy Spirit, can change your family forever – and change the lives of countless people along the way.

This story originally appearned in ‘Home Life’ magazine