Helping Your Teen Identifying His Spiritual Gifts

A teenager's world is filled with discovery – of self, of vocation, of purpose. For the Christian teen, perhaps nothing will affect those areas as much as his or her spiritual giftedness.

As a parent, you are challenged to guide your teen along the path of discovery. To most directly and easily reach the destination intended by God, incorporating the search for spiritual giftedness into the discovery process is vital.

The search need not be frustrating. The gifts of God are not elusive shadows, sliding left and right, ducking and dodging as you turn every corner in pursuit. The Word of God says, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." If He has prepared good works for your teen, and has equipped him, he is not hiding the equipment. In fact, you are part of the equipment.

“As soon as a child is born again, the spiritual genetic code is put in place,” says Rick Shepherd, director of the department of prayer and spiritual awakening for the Florida Baptist Convention and father of four children, ages 14-to-22. “Immediately, parents can begin looking for signs of direction, signs of desire. Immediately, parents should begin guiding their child toward opportunities for service that help define their gifts.”

It is a process of discovery, one that is more trial-and-evaluation than trial-and-error, because all service to God has value in what it does for others and what it teaches self.

Discovering How God has Gifted You

So how do we discover the spiritual tools He has given us for the purpose of carrying out His purposes?

Look within instead of looking out.

Consider passion instead of programs and processes.

In an effort to program, process and compartmentalize almost everything, the church has often tried to put spiritual gifts in a neatly packaged box. Follow the instructions and, presto, you're profile of how to serve God for the rest of your life will appear. Not!

Those of you raising teenagers know there is no ‘magic formula' for success, though there are biblical guidelines. Likewise, there is no foolproof formula for gift discovering – but there are some foundational guidelines that lead you and your teen in the right direction.

Dr. Ken Hemphill, president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and author of "Mirror Mirror on the Wall -- Discovering Your True Self Through Spiritual Gifts," is among a growing group of ministry leaders who believe that God reveals His gifts through the passions He gives those who walk with Him. The key: walking with Him. The sold-out, committed Christian is most likely to see needs that God has equipped him to meet.

"Our purpose is not to discover the gifts but to build a deeper relationship with the giver," Hemphill says. "In 1 Corinthians 12 (a passage dealing with gifts) Paul was trying to get the church's emphasis back on the relationship. The gifts prove nothing about the possessor but everything about the giver. Gifts simply enable us to serve the One whom we are seeking."

One who serves God fully will see as God sees.

"What is the greatest need you see in your church or your community?" Hemphill asks. "I believe you will see the needs according to your giftedness. One says this, one says that, how can they all perceive what the community needs so differently? Part of it is the way God has wired them.”

What does your teen see? Take careful note. Does she respond with tenderness – even tears – to the sight of a homeless or otherwise troubled person? Does he speak excitedly of the youth group's plans for a mission trip? Is he bugging you to go on visitation, or asking questions about it?

“We must be sensitive to how our kids respond to ministry opportunities and situations,” Shepherd says. “For instance, one of our kids may be leading toward areas of mercy. One thing she wanted to do was go on a four-day mission trip during spring break. Some parents would say, ‘No, spring break is a time when we're going to do something as a family.' But my wife went on that four-day trip with her. A parent must be willing to give up their agenda in order to do something with the child that may seem to fit that child's giftedness. We're giving them the chance to discover.”

Variety of Opportunities is Crucial

Part of the trial-and-evaluate process involves exposing your teen to a variety of ministry opportunities. This requires being intentional and well planned. It affects every member of the family and thus is indeed a family effort. Together, you are on a journey to discover how your family – made up of individually gifted persons – is equipped to serve.

“One of the biggest things we face (in evaluating spiritual gifts) is the need for a track record,” Shepherd says. “When you are doing a lot of different things in ministry, you find out this seems to fit, or that doesn't, or this is my passion or area of greatest desire. Those things don't come without being involved.”

Shepherd suggests making suggestions to your teen for ministry involvement, planning those opportunities for him or her individually and sometimes as a family. Overall, encourage them in a variety of directions until you see a pattern developing in one or two areas.

Don't Limit The Possibilities

When exploring spiritual gifts, one cannot avoid the question of limitations: "Are the spiritual gifts listed in the Bible the only spiritual gifts?"

It is commonly agreed that five passages of Scripture deal with spiritual gifts: Romans 12:6-8; 1 Corinthians 12:8-10; 1 Corinthians 12:28-30; Ephesians 4:11 and 1 Peter 4:9-11. These passages list approximately 20 gifts, yet immediately preceding one of these passages is this passage: "There are diversity of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all." (1 Corinthians 12:4-7)

Is this 'diversity' limited to the gifts in these passages? Hemphill says an emphatic 'No!'

"I believe that the gifts in the New Testament were illustrative, not exhaustive," Hemphill says. In his book, Hemphill writes of 1 Corinthians 12, "The word translated 'spiritual gifts' -- verse 1 -- could also be translated 'spiritual persons.' I think that 'spiritual gifts' and 'spiritual persons' were so closely connected in the Corinthians' minds that Paul used the word in such a way as to imply both."

Hemphill said the breakthrough in his understanding came when he carefully examined the two lists of gifts in 1 Corinthians 12. Why are there two lists? He says Paul was using each list as an example as he addressed specific issues. Hemphill says God can create new gifts today.

"It's very possible for someone in your congregation with great computer skills to use those in serving the Lord," he says. "I do not hesitate to talk about that in terms of gifts."

Not only do spiritual gifts exceed the number and variety listed in the New Testament, they extend to the Old Testament, Hemphill says.

"In the building of the tabernacle and temple, the Bible tells us that the craftsman who hammered where gifted by the Spirit of God," he says. "Why don't these occur in the New Testament? Because they weren't building temples and churches."

So how do help your teen discover his gifts? Through close examination of himself in the light of Scripture. Lead your teen through a study of his identity in Christ. He is: the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13), the light of the world (Matthew 5:14), one chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His lasting fruit (John 15:16), a member of Christ's body (1 Cor. 12:27, Ephesians 5:20), an expression of the life of Christ (Colossians 3:12).

What needs he see and have a passion for? What grabs her heart? What natural talents and abilities does she have? Examination of your teenager and their talents, coupled with prayer, will lead them to an understanding of what they are gifted to do in the Kingdom.

How About Spiritual Gifts Tests?

Beware of them – especially with teens.

Spiritual gifts tests may or may not be a help. If you use them, do so with caution, understanding that they only a small tool, not a vehicle for definitive diagnosis.

"Some gifts tests I've read confuse spiritual gifts and temperament," Hemphill says. "When you use any sort of 'gift inventory' a decision had to be made as to what sort of gifts were placed on it." Do those gifts limit God, or even include the gifts you may have? Be careful.

Another danger is 'gift projection,' the process of "projecting onto the inventory the gifts we've always wanted to have," Hemphill says, adding, "I took one once and asked myself, 'Am I answering the way I want to be or the way I am?"

Shepherd says gift tests are of “minimal” use to teens because “they require a history. For instance, many questions may be structured like, ‘When you do X, does Y happen?',” he says. “What if they've never done X? Most teens simply don't have the history to take those tests.”

Spiritual gifts tests should be used sparingly and as an ‘assist,' a hint for which direction to look in, rather than as a firm guide.

What Has God Given?

Shepherd believes that by continually exposing your teen to a variety of ministry opportunities, observing his or her responses, studying what the Word says about gifts, and praying, God will reveal His giftedness. It is an evolution that will include additions and refinements, but your teens can discover how God has gifted him. Don't turn the process into a complex hunt, but a practical and fun journey.

“I think it often comes down to, ‘What excites you?' “ Shepherd says. “Could you get excited about this? That's a pretty good question to ask your teen about a ministry experience. I don't mean excited in a fleshly, emotionally-hyped way, but could they get great fulfillment out of this? There is a sense of the will of God being a very, very satisfying thing. That doesn't mean it doesn't sometimes wear you out and involve grief, but if your teen can be excited and fulfilled about an aspect of ministry, it just might be in an area of giftedness.”

SIDEBAR

  The discovering of spiritual gifts by your teenager should be a family experience, a shared journey that focuses on the importance, fun and excitement of discovery God's purpose in your life.

As a parent, you are mentoring your child through the discovering process. The key elements of mentoring your child – as set forth by Victor Lee and Jerry Pipes in Family to Family – Families Making a Difference , apply to this process.

(bullet) Modeling.

Share your spiritual gifts with your children. How you discovered them. How God leads you to use them. What difference they make in how you view your purpose in life.

(bullet) Be there.

Go through the journey with your teenager. Arrange, or help them arrange, ministry opportunities. Regularly accompany them. Go on family mission trips together. In short, walk with your child.

(bullet) Affirm them.

Enthusiastically applaud your teen's good qualities, especially those that you can directly relate to a biblical gift. Note his or her good effort or particular ‘touch' in a ministry situation. Be a great cheerleader!

(bullet) Pray With Them and Pray For Them

In your private prayers, and with your teen, ask God to reveal His giftedness to them in His way and in His timing. Ask Him to encourage your teen, and to guide you and the teenagers to the right kind of ministry opportunities to try.

(bullet) Be Transparent

The trial-and-evaluation process may have some ‘failures,' or at least some experiences that are not as fruitful or enjoyable as others. You had these, too! Openly share them with your teen so that they understand the process is not always easy, but that they are not alone.

(bullet) Empower Your Children

Create ‘wins' for them. Put them in ministry situations where they can succeed, where they can make a difference. Equip them as much as possible before sending them out.

(bullet) Make the Word of God Central to What You Do

Study what the bible says about spiritual gifts (especially Romans 12:6-8; 1 Corinthians 12:8-10; 1 Corinthians 12:28-30; Ephesians 4:11 and 1 Peter 4:9-11). Also read about the Christian's identity in Christ.

By doing these things, you'll enable your teen's discovery and help put them on the path to outstanding service as he or she walks with God.